Not a Bielieber…..

Singing sensation Justin Bieber was last night slammed for keeping infants school children up so late that they had to miss school the next day.

His appearance on stage at his 02 Arena concert was delayed.

“It’s nothing to do with us,” said young mum Hayley Strump, clad in a leather jacket, a belt and a G string, with a four-year-old fast asleep over her shoulder.

“It’s Bieber’s fault for being two hours late getting on stage. I paid £54 a head for my tickets and Ocean-Stacey-Fishcake was soo excited about it, she didn’t eat any of her Cheerios this morning.”

“As for the baby,” she added, plucking an infant from beneath her boob tube,  “He’s not getting much because I aint ad nuffink but a rancid horseburger at midday.”

Justine Trumpet-Strumpet, a mother of three from Basildon, said it was a disgrace that Bieber had left so many children distressed and heartbroken that they had to leave the show.

“Some of them, including my five-year-old Katie-Pryce-Chanelle, had been looking forward to seeing Justin for weeks, I dunno why. Oh sorry, it was me that was looking forward to it. My mistake.  Yeah I know he’s a bit young but then so am I. I’m only sixteen meself.”

There was no comment from Bieber’s people as another mother, Sophie Tucker-Smythe of Kensington, complained that Primrose, her four year old, only got to bed after one o’clock in the morning and then had to GET UP FOR SCHOOL.

“It’s appalling. David Cameron really ought to do something. Children can’t be treated like this by their musical idols. It’s a breach of their human rights.

“At least two or three children have actually missed school today because they couldn’t cope with the late night. What sort of example is this fellow Bieber setting, I ask you?”

Celebrity model mum Pippa “Daddylonglegs” Tosh said “It’s unforgiveable. I shall have an extremely moody daughter tomorrow. She was livid tonight and she’s hell to live with when nanny has a weekend off.  They warned me about the “terrible twos” and it bloody well is.”

Mrs “Stocky” Tugwell , a lecturer in Green Sciences at Brunel University, admitted she had been wearing the wrong spectacles when she booked tickets for what she thought was an up-market playgroup.

“It was a long time to wait for the Wheels on the Bus that never came. I blame myself.”

Bambi Martini, a gentleman’s club entertainer, thought 12 months old was too young to take her daughter to see Bieber but she has booked her daughter into a front-row baby bouncer for the CBeebies gig at the O2 stadium next month.

“It’ll be amazing for her to see ‘Baby Jake’s Find and Drive Game’ on stage live with a full-sized JCB but parents aren’t allowed to stay so I’ll probably get hammered with some mates in a nearby pub.”

Emeritus Professor Dame Susan Greenhouse said “This is all wrong. It is altering the biology of our childrens’ minds.”

In a statement issued last night, Justin Bieber said “WTF? Why are infant school kids coming to my concerts anyway? What happened to parenting?  By the way, can someone phone my dad and tell him I’m ready to be picked up?”

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About janh1

Part-time hedonist.
This entry was posted in Blatant Falsehoods and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Not a Bielieber…..

  1. Darrel Kirby says:

    Good thing you were there to get this first hand reporting – not too hoarse from screaming I hope. Not a dry seat in the house….

  2. janh1 says:

    Hi D. 🙂 The next gig should be sponsored by Pampers?

  3. Speechless ………well laughing but there’s no sound coming out !!
    Brilliant as always 🙂

  4. Jane Parry says:

    A classic Jan!!! Wonder if they had enough high chairs?? x

  5. John Gamblin says:

    Ho, ho, ho! Very amusing Jan. Yes I heard he was greeted by a wall of ‘boos’ before belting out both of his hits while preening and strutting like someone who actually had a modicom of talent.

  6. IsobelandCat says:

    A bit too close to home. I know a sixteen-year-old who saw Bieber in Manchester (her mother accompanied her and her friend) and went to his hotel and got his autograph. She has two life size Bieber cut outs in her bedroom, and kisses both before she goes to bed…

  7. janh1 says:

    Well, 16 seems a reasonable age – unlike six! Although, without being critical, it does sound like she needs to get out more…. 😉

  8. Just guffawed, Jan. Off to share this with anyone who will listen 😀

  9. Link exchange is nothing else but it is just placing the other person’s website link on your page at suitable place and other person will also do similar in favor of you.

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