For a multitude of reasons, it’s been a while since I published a blog.
It’s not that I haven’t been writing them because I have. But they have been handwritten on curly-edged little notebooks that I keep in my handbag, a journal that I kept while on holiday and a little netbook which is temperamentally unsuited to internet connections for no good reason.
I haven’t written much on here, the red Dell laptop which is my main computer, because basically, Fat Lily has knackered it.
To be fair, it isn’t 100% her fault. The hard disk broke and son #1 fixed it very well but a part of the laptop that I rest my hands on began to randomly delete words, paragraphs etc, necessitating fairly rigorous “saving” while writing. (Cont S)
Then, several weeks ago, Fat Lily ingratiated herself on to my lap, as she often does in the study.
I was typing with one hand, scratching her head with the other, as you do – multi-tasking is essential with a cat. It was one of those blissfully calm domestic scenes that cats are famous for. I tell people “Cats are sooo relaxing compared to dogs. They really set an excellent example when it comes to long luxuriant sleeps on the couch or a bed if they get the chance.”
Anyway, I hit “print,” my HP Laserjet whirred into action and Fat Lily freaked out.
She wanted to leap away, terrified, but in a relaxed manner (please see “blissfully calm domestic scene” above) I held her on my lap murmured something soft, sensitive and reassuring like “It’s only the fecking printer for goodnessake…”
Far from reassuring her, my comforting, steadying hands somehow added to her desperate flight response.
She went totally apeshit. With the claws on all her too-many toes rampant, she lashed out with vicious terrified abandon, creating a long bleeding scratch across my chest and then leaping vertically into the air.
She landed on top of the laptop with a terrific clattering which terrified both her AND me and sent keys flying everywhere. She was literally a blur of fur, claws and flying keys.
One more flying leap got her to the floor and she zipped down the stairs like a fat furry rocket. Meanwhile the printer had gone silent and my desk was littered with bits of keys. I say “bits” becuse the F keys are quite small and four were missing. Also missing were the A, the S, the T, the G, the O and the “comma” key.
It was a scene of devastation. Sure, I’ve spilled a mug of tea over a keyboard, washed it off, dried it in an airing cupboard overnight and of course the damn thing didn’t work. I’ve spilled a blob of marmalade between the N and M but managed to hook it out and clean up the stickiness with precision use of a knitting needle and a muslin cloth. I have never, however, seen a computer keyboard more comprehensively wrecked by a small tabby cat.
I managed to fit all of the keys back on except the ‘F10.11.12 keys and the A key. I am typing on the naked nipple of the A key at the moment. When one is forced to do that, one at least is very aware of the number of times A crops up - a lot!
A new laptop is on the August “must have” list. Any recommendations for a purrfectly cat-proof keyboard,? If so, let me know!